


Cupid's Arrow Is A Pain In The Ass

by Queen_Anarchy



Category: LazyTown
Genre: M/M, Valentine's Day, i dont know why, idk i like writing holiday fics when they're nowhere near that time, lazytown - Freeform, sportarobbie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-02
Updated: 2017-01-17
Packaged: 2018-09-03 20:18:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8728738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queen_Anarchy/pseuds/Queen_Anarchy
Summary: When Robbie attempts to carry out a plan to get rid of Sportacus everything goes wrong in all the right ways.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [My fam @ WHLS](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=My+fam+%40+WHLS).



It was a perfect plan.

There was no way that anybody would know it was Robbie Rotten who would steal all the valentines out of the mailbox right before Valentine's Day.  
He giggled mischievously and opened up the back of the mailbox and began to dump all of the paper valentines, heart shaped boxes and cards into his burlap sack and started to replace them with hate letters, spoiled ‘sports candy’ and socks.

He never liked Valentine’s day. It only ever reminded him how lonely he really was-- as if he didn’t already know. The only upside was that candy went on sale the day after.  
He stared hatefully up at Sportacus’s airship.  
He couldn’t wait to see the look on his face when everybody thought it was him who put the rotten fruit instead of the sweet smelling chocolate.

He stood up and smiled at his work, the mailbox was completely littered with this garbage and his bag was full, he couldn’t wait to see the disappointment on everyone’s faces and their hearts.

He crept past all of the houses of the sleeping residents and finally climbed into the hatch that lead to his lair.

He threw the bag of valentine's down in front of his chair before he plopped down and began to open them up.  
There were approximately 7 for the annoying pink girl, 3 for the loud girl and the candy boy, 9 for the kid that had hair like carrot sticks, and 4 for stinky… or whatever his name was.

Surprisingly enough there was only 1 for the mayor, and 12 for his secretary.  
He cackled as he read through them, how grossly mushy they were, how poorly written. It made him sort of regret taking them, since they were so horrible already.

He stared down into the bag and spotted one more card, which was oddly… beautiful, he had to admit.  
It was dark violet with gold flowers etched into it, and a gold border, he inspected it further.  
He shrugged as he opened it up, “It’s probably for the secretary again.” He thought, from that bumbling mayor.

The inside of the card was just as beautiful as the outside, in gorgeous gold lettering it read:

_Dearest Robbie,_

Wait, hold on.

It was for him?  
He closed the card quickly and began to blush, he had never gotten a Valentine in his life, let alone such a beautiful card.  
He felt like he was intruding.  
He wasn’t suppose to see this until tomorrow…  
He stared back at the card in his hands, how could he resist such a gorgeous display of affection? He inspected it once more before opening it again.  
“Well… It’s too late now…”

_Until now I was too shy to tell you how I feel, but I think today is a good day to do it._  
I want to get to know you better, Robbie.  
I want to be closer to you. 

Robbie’s eyes widened as his heart rate shot up.  
He hardly even knew how to act around people who didn’t like him in such a way let alone somebody who wanted to be on this status, a love interest!  
He painstakingly continued.

_I would like to meet you at the beach at sundown tonight, the kids will be at home so we won’t be bothered.  
I can’t wait to see you._

Robbie’s heart skipped a beat as he read the last line.

_Love, Sportacus._


	2. Chapter 2

He felt sick, his anxiety making his stomach turn and making his head dizzy, he almost didn’t want to eat the stolen chocolates.  
Sportacus? Of all people in the world, wanted to go on a date with his nemesis?  
Well, only Robbie called him his nemesis...  
How didn’t he see this coming? Sportacus was only ever nice to him, but Robbie assumed it was sheer stupidity, not kindness.  
Or dare he say, flirting.

He began to panic as threw the card on the ground and stared at it incredulously. He didn’t know if he should feel insulted or flattered.  
Robbie turned back to the sweets, cards, and valentines before he shoved it all back into the bag-- except the one addressed to him-- and made his way back up to the surface to put them back before anybody woke up.  
Especially before that Sportaloon spotted him as he woke up at an insane hour.

After that, he went straight to sleep.  
...Or at least he tried to.  
He couldn’t stop thinking about that blasted card for a split second.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After a very much needed rest Robbie Rotten finally had his thoughts together, and with that he began to think.

He paced the room, ignoring every squeal and laughter coming from above ground.

He shrugged his shoulders, “Maybe it’s a joke! Everyone would love to see Robbie Rotten fall for a nasty trick like that! Going on a date with…”  
He shook his head, “No, If it were a trick he wouldn’t have warned me, and the kids go to bed a sunset…”

He pointed upwards, “I could just not go! Then I could break his heart, forcing him to leave town forever!”

He bit his lip and his shoulders sagged, “No… I’m not that evil…”

“There’s no way out of this, is there!?”  
He stared up at the chute that lead to the outside and sighed.  
“Maybe some fresh air could put my train of thought back on track…”

Once he was outside he felt a strange tension in the air, but maybe it was just him.  
He walked over to the town square, where the kids were playing with the gifts that he had nearly stolen.  
“Hi Robbie!” The pink haired girl had chirped to him, breaking him out of his thoughts. “Have you seen Sportacus at all today?”

Robbie’s eyes widened, “Uh.. S-Sportacus? No! No, I haven’t seen him… why do you ask?”

Stephanie looked at the other kids, “Well, we were hoping that Sportacus would be playing with us today… But we don’t know where he is!”  
She narrowed her eyes, “Did you do something to him?”

Robbies snorted and rolled his eyes, “No, for your information Pinkie I have no evil schemes today. I haven’t done anything to that blue nuisance.”

She nodded her head, “Okay… Well, thanks anyway. And happy Valentine’s Day Robbie!”

Robbie cringed when she said it, he just wanted to day to be over, and it wasn’t even noon yet!  
He continued on and found himself walking towards Miss Busybody.  
‘Maybe she could give me some advice…’ He thought.

“Oh, good morning Robbie! What has you up so early?”

“Whatever.”  
He shifted around uncomfortably, “What do you and Milford usually do on your dates?”

She brightened at the opportunity to talk freely about her relationship with the mayor, “Well, we usually go somewhere, and he brings me a gift, like flowers or jewelry! Then we do whatever it is we went to go do, like say watch a movie or dinner, and then we kiss, and the date is over!”

All the blood in Robbie’s face had gone in an instant, “...A kiss?”

“Yes!”  
She looked around, “It’s weird, Sportacus asked me the same question yesterday! He must’ve found a nice young lady to spend the holiday with, what a lucky girl she must be, hm?.”

Robbie blushed, ‘He really put a lot of effort into this didn’t he?’ He thought.  
“Yeah… Lucky.”

“Did you ask for the same reason?” She smiled at him.

Robbie refocused and stood up straight, “Uh, y-yes, I’m going on a date later today... I guess.”

“Oh! How nice. I always thought you’d pull in the ladies sooner or later, what with your good looks and whatnot. You must tell me how it went when it’s over!”

He nodded tiredly, “Yes… I’ll try my best to remember.”  
Not only did he actually have to go on a date, with his nemesis no less, but he had to talk about it too.

He smiled as he came up with a wonderful idea.

He could act horribly on the date so Sportacus would never want to go out ever again! Then, he could tell Miss Busybody that he was catfished by the elf, and that the date was horrific! Her big mouth would never be able to keep all that to herself, and she’d tell everyone in town, embarrassing Sportacus to his very core, forcing him to leave town!  
PERFECT!

He beamed, “I have to get ready for the date! See you later!”

“Goodbye Robbie! Happy Valentine’s day!”

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The sun was beginning to set and Robbie was almost finished getting ready.  
He looked in the mirror and frowned, the dumb elf could’ve at least told him how to dress.

He sighed and stared into the mirror one more time before leaving his bunker and setting off in the direction of the beach.  
He had to admit, it was a lovely night for a date. Even if it was with his enemy.

Speak of the devil.

There he was, standing in the pale moonlight, staring out onto the shimmering water.

Robbie became nervous, even though if he wasn’t looking at him-- wait, yes he was.

He was smiling actually.

‘Well,’ he thought, ‘It’s too late to turn back now.’


	3. Chapter 3

As he noticed Robbie approaching him Sportacus smiled, he couldn’t believe that the card worked, just a simple piece of paper got the apple of his eye to go on a date with him.  
He’d have to thank Miss Busybody for that later.

‘I shouldn’t have come, It would have been easier to pretend there was a mail mix up! That I had never received it!’ He thought.  
His legs were becoming heavy as he reluctantly reached his destination, directly in front of Sportacus.  
The plan had instantly gone into action.  
Robbie stood up straight, looming over the elf in an attempt to intimidate him.

Sportacus blushed and stared up at him sheepishly “Hi, Robbie… I suppose you got the card I sent?”

Robbie turned his nose up dramatically. “Unfortunately so.”

Sportacus’s smile faltered a little, but he kept it nonetheless. “...I was afraid you weren’t going to show up.”

...Afraid?

The town hero. The elf who claimed no fear. Was afraid of him not showing up, above all things?”  
This thought, combined with his own vanity, made him blush. He shook his head to refocus. This small amount of flattery would not put a damper on his plans!  
He snapped out of his head and looked back to the elf. Though he was more focused on the objects in his hands.

Sportacus noticed this, and jolted up. “Oh, I got these for you, Robbie.”  
He held out a bouquet of red and purple flowers, completed with wrapping paper and ribbon, matching the color theme. In his arms he also held a bear, which was almost as big as the bouquet. It was white with a purple satin bow placed around it’s neck.

If Robbie knew one thing about elves, it was that they took their flowers very seriously. If he analyzed the flowers he could maybe find an error in meaning and embarrass him.  
The bouquet consisted of many flowers, though the red roses were most notable.  
Red roses were a well known symbol of love…  
No mistake there.  
There was lavender heather- known to symbolize admiration and beauty.  
Along with lilac iris, which symbolized first love.  
He instantly regretted his decision, he should have known it would be nothing but good things.

“Do you like them? I know they’re your favorite colors…”

Robbie lit up, “Actually,” he sneered, “My favorite color is green.” Of course he was lying, but it was a start for the mischief soon to come.

“Oh… Well… The stems are green!” The elf beamed, he would never let something so trivial ruin his only opportunity to finally have the man he sought after for so long.

Robbie grumbled as he mentally smacked himself on the forehead, snatching the bouquet out of his hands. “So they are.”

Sportacus hardly noticed the malicious tone in his voice. He stuck the bear out to him, “I know you like soft things too, so I got you this.” 

Robbie wrinkled his nose as he pinched the bear's ear, holding it up as if it was a dead rat. “...Thanks.”

Sportacus smiled “I’m glad you like them. I thought you would.” He looked down at the blanket he had placed on the ground earlier and sat down. “You’re not just gonna stand there are you?”

The taller man shifted his weight and crossed his arms, “So what if I want to?”

Sportacus ignored him and patted the space next to him, looking up at Robbie excitedly.

Robbie tried his best to keep his faux hateful attitude going, but to no avail. The elf just looked so … inviting…? He sat down next to Sportacus reluctantly, or so it seemed.

Sportacus’ heart rate became faster as the words he wanted to say for so long ran through his head for the hundredth time.  
“...I’ve been thinking about you a lot, Robbie.”

Robbie stared at him dumbfoundedly as Sportacus grabbed his hand and brushed it against his cheek.  
His hands were shaking, he could feel it.  
Seeing Sportacus like this made him anxious as well.  
“For how long?”  
He kicked himself mentally, how dare he foil his own plan?

He began to avoid eye contact, he had never been this nervous in his life. Of course he’d never admit to being scared, but he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t.  
He spoke quietly, as to not spook Robbie off.  
“...Months.”

The raven haired man tried his best to say something, anything, leaving his mouth open with nothing. He simply couldn’t, he couldn’t even think straight.  
Months?  
His nemesis has been thinking of him in such a manner for months?!  
He felt a twinge of guilt, thinking of how it must feel to have your crush tell you that they want you out of their life nearly every single day.  
Poisoning you...  
Lying to you...  
The poor guy must have a heart of gold, putting up with everything Robbie had thrown at him over the years.  
He felt horrible… How could Sportacus still feel that way towards him after everything he’s done?

The sound of Sportacus clearing his throat brought him back.

“I-I know you’re probably confused but…” He trailed off, “I like you a lot, Robbie. He paused to look up at the taller of the two, “...I’m sorry for choosing to meet so late, I just didn’t want the kids to get in the way…”

Well, at least Sportacus was finally speaking a language he could understand. Though, he never thought he’d hear Sportacus talk about those brats in such a negative way.  
He smiled to ease off the awkward silence, “Are you sure it wasn’t for the romantic moonlight?”  
Oh god, did he just say that?

Sportacus blushed, “No, I’d prefer daylight. So I can see you better.”

Oh wow… Who knew the blue blur could be such a charmer?  
Robbie was more or less a blushing idiot at this point, he couldn’t believe that Sportacus had beaten him again. Though, he had to admit, this time it was … nice.

Sportacus began to scoot a bit closer, remembering what Bessie said about dates.  
He was so close, and although it wasn’t the end it just felt like the perfect moment.  
He was so close… he had almost forgotten his manners!  
He looked down at Robbie’s lips. they looked so soft and sweet, but “...M-May I..?”

Robbie blushed wildly before giving a slow nod.

He gave a small smile before closing the gap between the two, giving his self-proclaimed nemesis a deep, yet chaste kiss.

He couldn’t believe he was doing this, he was suppose to be getting the stupid elf out of town, instead he was sitting pretty on the beach with this idiotic stud making him feel happier than he’s been in a long time.  
Though, Robbie did recall a time when he did return these feelings towards Sportacus. He shoved them down deep inside once he figured that the guy had no interest in men, and hadn’t thought about it since.  
He was new to this sort of treatment of course, the only other person who had been this gentle with him was his mother.  
Of course, not in the same way.  
Ew.  
He flinched when another thought came about, what did Miss Busywhatever say about dates?  
That kisses only came at the end…

Wait… 

It was ending now?  
It can’t end now...

Meanwhile the elf was in nirvana, all his worries had washed away with the waters of reassurance and bliss.  
Until he actually felt real water on his face.  
He pulled back quickly and stared wide-eyed at his date.  
He was… crying?  
“Robbie, I-I’m sorry, we can stop, I-”

“It’s not you, Sportacus.”

Sportacus stared at Robbie inquisitively as his crystal flickered a bit, but soon died out. He hated to see Robbie upset. Especially when he doesn’t know how to fix it.

“I just-”  
He was cut off by his own sobs. He hung his head in an effort to hide from the elf in front of him.

Sportacus frowned and decided enough was enough, he couldn’t handle seeing him cry any longer. He gently pulled Robbie’s chin up with and wiped the tears from his cheeks. “It’s okay Robbie, I understand. You don’t have to explain yourself.”

Robbie brought his hands up to his face to wipe his eyes, “I’m sorry…”

“You have nothing to be sorry for.”  
The blue loverboy gently took Robbie’s hands away from his face, replacing them with a kiss to the cheek.

The crying had taken a lot out of him. He sighed and flopped back onto the blanket that they rested on with his hands covering his face.  
“You should have told me sooner.”

Sportacus laughed and laid down next to him, “I thought you’d try to get me out of town harder if I told you any other day.”

Robbie stared up at the dark sky and studied the glittering fireballs that were stars. He couldn’t help but wonder what he did to deserve such a gorgeous night next to his-  
… Well...  
He wasn’t quite sure what to call him anymore.  
That’d be a question for another day.  
“No, I would have stopped.”

The elf sat up and stared down at Robbie. “...Does that mean you like me back then?”

Robbie tiredly looked at Sportacus and gave a small smile, “Yeah.”

Sportacus beamed so bright the cosmos itself must’ve been blinded.  
He blushed so hard the roses he gave robbie looked pale.  
The elf laid back down next to his date, but just couldn’t be still. The happiness that bloomed deep within him was too much to handle.  
“Wow.”


	4. Chapter 4

Sportacus woke up the next morning, happier than usual. He jumped out of bed and did his normal aerobic-acrobatic-esque movements while making his breakfast, he did his normal scan over the town to make sure everyone was safe. Which they were. And he did his normal smiling-in-the-face-of-death jump out of his airship with a hang glider down to the ground below.  
One thing that was different was the number of people outside.

Robbie Rotten had actually kept his promise, to Miss Busybody’s surprise.  
Of course though, when talking about his date from the night before he changed the pronouns used from ‘he’ to ‘they.’  
Not that he really cared about dating men, he just didn’t want to expose Sportacus--  
Anymore at least.

Sportacus stopped in his tracks and looked over at the sight, and he sighed. When he was finally noticed by his love he perked up and waved frantically, like the tail of a puppy whose owner just got home from a long day of work.

Robbie blushed and waved back shyly, careful to not look too eager, for his reputation’s sake.

Miss Busybody noticed the blush on both of the boys’ faces, and she smiled.  
Once Sportacus finally flipped away she leaned in and dropped his volume level to a whisper.  
“So… Sportacus, huh?”

Robbie sputtered and wrinkled his nose “N-No! EUGH! Absolutely not!”

She laughed at his childish mannerisms, “It’s okay Mr. Rotten, your secret is safe with me.”

“--For now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp this is the end of this fanfic.  
> Tbh i'm kinda glad it's over, I feel like I dropped the ball in the 3rd chapter and it just got worse.  
> I'm always better at the rising action rather than the climax...   
> Oh well!  
> Off to write a bigger and better story.
> 
> If you'd like to suggest a oneshot (1000 words or less) contact me via tumblr @ queen-anarchy-666.tumblr.com


End file.
